Why I Struggle With Content Creation
The truth is, I don’t think I’m very creative or imaginative.
And there’s probably multiple reasons for this. I mean, it’s probably depression. But unless I have an actual diagnosis for that, it’s probably other reasons.
I’ve wanted to be a content creator, publisher, artist, entertainer, etc. for as long as I can remember. But, as I’m sure many can relate to, I’ve always felt the sting of public attacks and something resembling impostor syndrome.
Even with the anonymity of the internet, I’ve struggled to overcome these hurdles. With the soul-crushing reality of constantly having too much month at the end of my money, I’ve feared the time commitment of creating something that may have no value to anyone other than myself.
It’s all bad feelings, man.
And to think I once had a job that paid decently enough and was often praised and sought out for my ability to communicate clearly and effectively in writing.
I miss those days.
Now I can barely bring myself to type something coherent after reading the jumbled mess of poor grammar and incomplete thoughts that darken my work inbox.
…What the hell happened?
Sometimes I feel so surrounded by mediocrity that I often feel shoved into a dark corner and told to rethink my old ambitions. Even as age has slowly eroded my ability to care about the opinions of others.
I can disregard the opinions of strangers just fine. Mostly.
But should my family and friends find something of my own creation and force me to answer for their criticisms… Well, that’s something I have a harder time even considering overcoming.
The muscles of creative output require exercise. And the longer you go without working them, the less inclined you are to do so. And so it goes until you’ve regressed so far backwards that you find yourself unable to even consider trying something so small as creating a single sentence post on social media, much less the daunting task of writing a blog post or recording a video.
Even when I can bring myself to attempt something creative, I need a reason to do so. Once I was tapped to film a series of training videos for a company I worked for. I filmed a test video on my iphone for approval to pursue the project. It was met with a resounding “yes” and turned into a month-long project; that was so wildly successful among my bosses and peers that it was officially folded into the a joint program between the marketing and HR departments.
Now if I want to do something creative, I feel compelled to do so for monetary reward. And Jesus Christs… That doesn’t motivated or create a desire to actually do a dang thing.
I recently read an article from Tim Denning (I don’t have a link, sorry) about finding success in writing. And the key takeaway was that if you want to write, you won’t have a hope of success unless you’re willing to write for free. And that’s true with pretty much any form of content creation or artistry.
And until I can get over my own hurdles that keep me from putting words to paper, audio to tape, or motion to video… I won’t find my dedication to actually create.
